How to get through the holiday period with your kids without losing yourself?A blog by educational psychologist Loes Waanders

Be honest: what does your ideal vacation look like? Chances are that the image you have - peace, sunshine, relaxed kids, endless reading — is mostly based on what holidays were like before you had children. But vacationing with young kids is often intense. The days are long, there’s more sensory input, and you're basically on duty non-stop. What really drains many parents isn’t so much what happens, but how far reality strays from their expectations. If you’re expecting to rest, but end up in survival mode, you’ll become mentally exhausted.

My recommendation for you: Shift your focus. Don’t expect to come back completely rested (and if you do, wonderful!), but focus on making memories together.

If you feel drained after a day of intense time together, that’s not a sign you’re “doing it wrong” or not enjoying your kids. It’s your nervous system saying: please take a break sooner.

And that break often doesn’t just happen by itself. You need to plan it.

My recommendation for you: Pay attention during the day: when do you notice your patience getting short or your head filling up? Plan a moment of recovery before that happens.

Make it practical:

• Agree with your partner that you take a 30-minute walk every afternoon.
• Book a great babysitter for certain days in advance.
• Put in earplugs while cooking.

Because prevention really is much better than cure!

You can’t pour from an empty cup — a cliché, but so true. When your energy is gone, you’re not the version of yourself you want to be. Asking family or a babysitter for help doesn’t make you a bad parent. On the contrary: when your energy is depleted, you’re not just tired — you also lose patience more quickly. Whereas when you’re recharged, you can be there for your children with so much more energy.

My recommendation for you: Ask for help before you hit your limit.

• Let grandma or grandpa take the kids out for a morning.
• Arrange a babysitter for an evening out or an afternoon workout.
• Swap playdates with another parent so you both get a break.

And if you struggle with that, try flipping the perspective: what can someone else offer your child that you might not? It can really enrich your child’s world — maybe a fun arts-and-crafts afternoon, or playing games you don’t enjoy as much.

You don’t have to survive this holiday. You’re allowed to ask: what do I need to make it enjoyable for both my family and myself?

In my Parent First academy, I help parents discover where their personal energy drains are, and how to change their family dynamics without trying harder. Because only when you’re in balance can you truly give to your child — with attention, patience, and joy.

Love, Loes